Flingin' Poo with the Best Monkey

I don't know if I'm really that funny but you were the one dumb enough to read this after all. Making fun of stuff does indeed make me feel better about myself. Thank you for asking.
Camera Two

Camera Two

Camera One

Camera One

NCAA Bracket Twitter Contest

God, that took A LOT of Googling. As promised, my bracket choices are based solely on which mascot I think would win in a street fight.

I will put my bracket up against any challenger.

RULES

*by 8 AM (CST) Wednesday, March 14, everyone who would like to participate must email me at bloggetyblog@rocketmail.com with 2 LEGIBLE pictures of your completed bracket. If I need clarification, I will request it via email. Please include your twitter handle and name in your emails.

*1 point will be awarded for every correct 3rd round pick. If you don’t know which one that is, consult your bracket. (No credit for selecting the play in teams.) 2 points will be awarded for every correct Sweet 16 pick. 3 points will be awarded for every correct Elite Eight pick. 5 points will be awarded for every correct Final Four pick. 10 points to everyone who gets one National Championship team correct. 15 points to anyone who gets both National Championship teams correct. 20 points to anyone who picks the winner of Men’s Division I Basketball Championship.

*The winner will receive 10 RTs from all losers of the contest. (They may be the same 10 for everyone, all different, or any combination of the two.)

*In the event of a tie, the Twitter account with the least followers will be awarded the RTs.

*In the event I have the winning bracket, I will give my RTs to the account of my choice.

Good luck to everyone. The winning results will be posted on Tumblr with a link on Twitter by 10 PM (CST) on April 3. The winner will need to email me links of all desired RTs by April 5. All losers will have until April 15 to RT all 10 selections by the winner.

Pictures of my bracket coming shortly.

Lost in Infinity: My Review

On average, how much would you say you sleep?  Have you ever really thought about it?  If you suffer from chronic insomnia like Travis Besecker, you have. 

On your sleepless nights, what keeps you awake?  Worries about money, or how you could have handled a previous interaction better?  Is it ever a fear of infinity, and the vast nothingness that surrounds us and looks down from the night sky?  If you suffer from apeirophobia like Travis Besecker, it is.

Besecker’s new novel, Lost in Infinity is a chronicle of his life-long battle with insomnia and the ugly, and often times, dangerous side effects that can occur due to extreme sleep deprivation.  He tells his story of pain, frustration, and fear of the unknown.  His tale is sad, funny, extremely moving, and also, at times, deeply unsettling.  Besecker is a person that almost everyone can relate to, in one way or another, which makes his story all the more powerful.

Lost in Infinity follows Travis Besecker on a sometimes sporadic timeline from early childhood to the present as he deals with his inability to “sleep like a normal kid,” and his boundless fear. Besecker’s journey takes us to him as a small boy, sitting in the visiting area of a mental institution reminiscent of One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and to the night more than 20 years in the future, when he slams his car into a guardrail after falling asleep at the wheel.  He tells of his well-meaning parents who tried to help a child they loved but didn’t understand.  He explains his constant need to be involved in numerous projects and his fight to succeed at everything he does as an attempt to silence the Shadow Man.

I received and read Lost in Infinity in the same day.  That was in part due to the fact that I had agreed to write this review when I was finished with the novel; I don’t like to keep people waiting.  But mostly, it was due to the fact that I absolutely couldn’t put the book down. 

I don’t want to give away the story of Besecker’s trials but I will give my reaction to it: 

My arms were covered in goose bumps for the duration of the first two chapters, a feeling I described as finding Besecker “eerily relatable.”  There were so many ways in which I felt a kinship to this person I was reading about.  My mind raced with every passing page and my heart pounded with emotion.  There was more than one moment where I wanted to hug this scared and frustrated little boy.  Two-thirds of the way into Besecker’s work, I realized there were probably 20 different ways his story could end, and no matter what path the novel took, I knew it would be the right one.  I don’t think I have ever been so confident of a novel’s genuine goodness since I began reading them at age 7.  Lost in Infinity is a book that I will be returning to for another read many, many more times to come.

 

 

My Craigslist Personals Ad

I’m Exhausting but I’m Fairly Pretty-w4m  31

Hi, I’m looking for a man that can meet a few minor qualifications.

  • I am 5’11” so I would like it if you were taller than me.  This isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, but it is a consideration.
  • I would like you to be slightly less attractive than me, or at least insecure about your looks so I will always feel like I have the upper hand.
  •  I want a man who likes to talk.  And by that, I mean, I want you to listen to me while I blather on incessantly about any number of rapidly changing topics.
  •  I would like you to be slightly damaged.  Not in a way that makes our relationship difficult, but just enough so that I feel less guilty about all my emotional baggage that I am going to force you to deal with.
  • When we go out to eat and you ask me where I want to go and I tell you I don’t care, please understand that I do care and this is a test as to how well you know me.
  • On a bi-monthly basis, I will need you to tell me you think I am prettier than certain celebrities.  A list will be provided.
  • You will be expected to initiate sex at least 90 percent of the time, but I will not always be in the mood and you can’t get mad.  And you will need to be receptive every single time I initiate.  

These are some guidelines as to what I will be looking for in my next mate.  Please be aware that they can change or be added to without notice and you will be expected to comply at all times.

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Hallefuckinlujah!

My dad just seriously asked me if I had “accepted Jesus as my personal savior,” and if I hadn’t, he would be more than happy to say that prayer with me when I was ready…

No punchline.  THAT ACTUALLY JUST HAPPENED.  Seriously.  Just now.  I just…I…I don’t even know.

10 Things I Want to See Get 86ed in 2012

  • Country covers of hip-hop songs
  • Shows about cake
  •  Weird saggy skinny jeans look
  • Babies with “original” names (i.e. Apple, Blanket, Pilot Inspektor)
  • Adults obsessing about teen celebrities (you too, Moms)
  • Everyone who has a ten minute opinion about which news channel I should watch
  • Pretending we still give a shit about what’s happening with The Royal Family
  • Thinking Bradley Cooper has broad-range talent
  • Hip-hop songs that are nothing but a list of companies the artist would like to receive free shit from
  • Finding people with orange skin interesting

If you want a cigarette and you know it

Stab a dude

If you want a cigarette and you know it

Punch a kid

If you want a cigarette and you know it

Then your rage will surely show it

If you want a cigarette and you know it

Slap a friend

ONE MORE TIME…

Hysterical Crying Gets ‘Em Every Time

It seems that bursting into uncontrollable tears in front of your parents is a really good way to get emergency rushed to the nearest Nicorette dealer.  And I got a chocolate bar for promising not to punch any strangers!  

Is This What Coffee is Supposed to Taste Like?

I start every morning with somewhere between one and twenty cups of coffee.  I also enjoy somewhere between 5 and 15 cigarettes with said coffee.  I think I liked this swill better when its flavor had an ashtray undertone.